My Own March

My Own March

WARNING. This is my blog. My rant. My feelings. My heart. If you do not agree or find objection, you can choose not to read, or even care, what I say. If you do read, please be respectful. Thank you.

Anyone who knows me knows that I have feared and loathed Trump from the beginning, even before he ran for president. I couldn’t even watch an ad for The Apprentice without feeling sick to my stomach. Everything about him was nauseating to me: his disregard for others, his bully behavior, his low-brow and unethical brain. When I found out he was running for president, I laughed, thinking it would be impossible for someone so disgusting to win, even the Republican nomination. I had, what I realize now, a naive view of the Republican party - still thinking of them as the party of fiscal conservatism and morality. But, oh, how they’ve changed. He was as immoral and rude as ever, and yet, he won their nomination in the primaries. I still couldn’t believe he’d win the actual presidency. I knew in my heart, most of us want freedom, equality, diversity, and hope.

But then… election day. I was apparently wrong. A little more than half of America voted for racism, bigotry, sexism, and hate. I was shocked. I still am.

Yes, there were factors. Russia apparently intervened - to what degree, no one knows yet. But at the end of the day, the electorates voted for Trump over Hillary. Corporate greed has won and even though Hillary Clinton won the popular vote, it wasn’t by much, considering her opponent. It should have been by a LOT more, but it wasn’t.

You can blame emails (that proved nothing) or that she’s too cold for a woman (what?!! Why do women have to be fuzzy teddy bears?!) but what it really comes down to is that she is a woman. Plain and simple. People chose not to trust her, not because she’s a Clinton (Trump has far more shady businesses and even rape charges he had to pay off via a settlement) but because she is a woman. It’s the age old Eve syndrome in our still male dominated society. No. Other. Reason.

And now… I watch as Trump and his mostly all white male followers are all blissfully triumphant. They think they’re going to make America great again, when in reality, they’re going to make America white again, and male dominated. It’s their dream come true.

The thing that shocked me, and still shocks me, are the women that voted for him, even as he talked about grabbing pussies. They laughed it off and called it “locker room” talk. Boys will be boys and all that nonsense. But… What the hell? How can these women sleep at night? What if it were their daughters or sisters or best friends who were molested and grabbed, or even just treated like plaything dolls, merely existing for a man’s pleasure, or judgement? How is that “locker room” behavior even slightly OK? Can they really not see that such behavior leads to rape and other such atrocities also being “OK?” Or, can they see, but turn a blind eye because they’ve been programmed to do so? Perhaps they were raised to believe that Father knows best. But even still, Trump ain't no father from the 50s. He’s like a gross, pervy, rich uncle who thinks they can have anything they want without consequence. He’s Biff from the Back the Future series! Remember? He almost date rapes Marty’s mom? How and when did that character become “OK?!” And OK enough to become the president of the United States?!

I feel like I’m living in a warped, other dimension. This goes way beyond a liberal’s disappointment. I certainly felt that when Bush Jr was elected. I knew he was an idiot, and had no idea what he was doing, and I wasn’t happy. But he was respectful of women, and he was a semi decent person with some level of respect for others. Trump has none of that. Many have talked about his “Narcissist Personality Disorder,” but not many have talked about how he talks about his own daughter like a piece of ass he’d tap if only he legally could. Again, have these Trump voters not watched the videos of him saying such disgusting things? Are they blissfully ignorant or do they choose to disbelieve he really could mean what he says? And again, HOW could women turn away and act like it’s fine?

Today, a day after his inauguration, which was a joke (I’ve read compared to Obama, no one showed up! Ha!) there are marches galore in protest. I wish I could attend the women's march in Washington DC. If I could, I’d be there with bells on. It brings me some relief to know that there are thousands of women who care enough about their rights, and the rights of others (not only women, but LGBT, Blacks, Muslims, Natives, etc) to stand in the streets and peacefully resist this fascist government about to take us over. But my question is, where were they all on election day? I’ve heard over and over that there are more women in this country than men. Well, if that were true, he never would have been elected. That tells me that they either didn’t vote or they voted 3rd party, which is a whole other silliness (yes, it IS a wasted vote as long as the electoral college still exists!)

There is clearly a lot of hate against women right now, and we can’t hide or deny it. I’ve been noticing it in small things for awhile. Even when reading comments of mostly male fans of Arrow (love that show!) it’s always how much they hate the character Felicity. There’s really no reason why, other than they think she makes Oliver weak, and that she “whines” too much. I personally think it’s because she actually dares tell him how best to do things. How DARE she? It’s not like she’s the brainiest one on the show or some super tech wiz. Oh, wait, she IS. But they can’t handle it. They want her dead. They want a woman who follows him like a lost puppy, I guess, or just stands there and looks pretty. Anything more, and it’s an affront on their male superiority.

Is this some sort of post-feminist hell we’re living in? A backlash to all the women’s rights and progression that we’ve made throughout the years? What is really happening?! Does anyone know?! Are men feeling useless lately and can’t handle it? I don’t see why they’d feel useless just because women are strong. It doesn’t have to be an “us vs them” mentality! But so many men seem to be lost in that illusion. Sure, there are good men - lots of them out there (I know a lot of them are authors. Hi, my awesome fellow author friends!) but it seems to me that the majority of men in America are trying too hard to prove they’re still in charge, and it’s a real problem.

I’ve personally considered myself a feminist, though not some sort of angry, extremist type. I don’t believe women or men are superior. I believe we’re different, yet equally powerful in our own ways, as it should be.

Now, I know there are some extremely angry women who want to take a stand. But there are even more, it seems, who just don’t care - or they remain quiet for fear of making waves. However, women could and SHOULD be the change this country needs. As long as they’re still afraid to stand up, to break free of the man they think they need to matter, nothing will change. In fact, it will only get worse and worse. We are now living in a white male dominated country where it has been normalized to treat a woman as a thing - an object to be used as needed. If she is “ugly” or has too much of that scary feminism thing, she is not useful, and will be trashed, probably all over Twitter. (All Hail the Tweeter in Chief!)

It hurts me heart, and my soul.

Trumpers say to “get over it,” but how can a woman get over being seen as an object? How can any of us whom Trump has put down or made fun of just get over it? He’s trashed women, the disabled, military families. You name it, he’s trashed it. He’s nothing but a bully who has had it easy and rich his whole life. Yet, somehow, he’s going to make America great? He’s already sided with Congress to remove the ACA without another health plan to replace it. I’m not even mentioning his cabinet who are filled with anti-gay and under-qualified people. So far, not so good.

I’m honestly scared for this country, and for the world. I’ve never felt like this, even during the Bush Jr years. I was scared, but nowhere to this level, and I know I’m not the only one. How will we survive these next 4 years? Will we survive? And if we do, what we will become?

I can only hope we will become wiser and stronger, able to see the truth more clearly, and able to see each other as equals, no matter our gender and color.

I had such hope during the Obama years that we were evolving into a progressive nation. With gay marriage legalized, the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and the ACA (even imperfect, it helped SO many finally afford health care and saved those with pre-existing conditions!) But now… will we go backwards in time? How far back? Some people have surmised we will go back to the 1950s. I worry we’ll go back even further. It certainly feels like it might be the dark ages.

I know it will only be 4 years. But… in 4 years, so many bad things could happen. He could war with, well, anyone who dares to talk bad about him. He will certainly tweet angrily about it. But even worse, people will die if they can’t get health insurance.

Such uncertain, frightening times. I never thought we’d be in them. Did you?

But underlying my fears is worry about the state of mind that allowed his election. We LET him become our fascist leader. And we did it by either being naive or by being outright sexist and/or bigoted. I just didn’t know how much hatred was still in this country. I guess it’s good that I know… but if you turn on the lights in your kitchen and see a bunch of roaches, would you be glad you knew? Wouldn’t you be horrified and run around crazily for a few moments, not knowing what to do, especially when you THOUGHT your kitchen was pretty darn clean?! I feel like I’m trying to reach for the Raid, but can’t find a bottle big enough to stop the infestation.

Ignorance and greed is like an infestation of bugs. That’s a good analogy, I think. No matter what you do, it will keep spreading unless you get to the source - the nest. We need to find that source, and somehow rip it out of our mindsets. I believe that source is fear - fear of women, diversity, and change.

In the end, we need to evolve, and perhaps we will… but at what cost?

I have always been a humanist, and lover of the arts. I’ve always believed through stories, we realize truth and grow from it. I have never believed in Armageddon or the end of humanity. I tend to believe that there is no end, for we will always adapt, learn, and evolve. But this is a hard time to be a believer, for we are being tested in a way that will either make us better, or break us, even if temporarily. I can only hope it makes us stronger either way.

~ Written on 1/21/17 while listening to Tori Amos, a songwriting goddess and heroine to many. “We’ll see how brave you are.”